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Tuesday, June 3, 2014


From the time my EPT read positive
I felt joy and fear
Was I ready to be a mother? 

All went smoothly until...
I was riddled with unexplained bleeding
I feared the worst

Day after day things became difficult
I became sick

My layoff, death of a cherished pet
could I bear losing a child?
No, I could not

A poke to the belly told me you were a girl and alright.
soon I went gestational diabetic
I wasn't surprised as it runs in the family.

Bleeds continued
so heavy I thought you must be leaving me

On strict bed rest now
I could no longer care for you or me

Fear grew as you did, nights long and lonely 
only doctors and nurses with so many interns
I was on display

Only allowed out of bed to wash, use the toilet and see doctors
wheelchair bound, I was imprisoned 

One night I felt you
two large kicks that stole my breath

I felt cold as I never had before
my water had broke, you were coming

I was aware of the contractions but numb to the pain
in 45 minutes you were here

Fear washed over me like a dark sheet
I didn't hear you cry

My husband held my hand
I asked through my haze "Is she OK?"
he smiled and said "She is fine and beautiful."

I wasn't able to hold her I was torn and bleeding heavily

Doctor on my belly,  frantic hands to remove the placenta
I could not die, she needs me

Doctor held up the placenta with its extra lobe
"you'd have twins if you were able."
I smiled, my father is a twin

I was sewn up like a ripped doll. 
bags dripped coagulant and antibiotics into my blood steam
amazement shrouded me as to how anyone could survive this 

I was told I should have a blood transfusion
fear of disease, I said no
I would deal with the dizziness

I realized we were both born that day
she was alive and I was stronger than ever

Been nearly nine years now, much has changed
we have loved, learned and grown together
clearly a miracle, one I will not soon forget
I am blessed by this little one who came from within


  1. smiles...i imagine the trials of birth had brought you all the closer
    having a child def changes each of us...in more ways than one.

  2. A trip to share, thanks, through dark into the light :-)

  3. Beautiful, chilling, and poignant. Sorry you had to experience such fear and pain, grateful sweetness and love was the result.

  4. Motherhood :) the joy just tends to overwhelm us that we forget all the troubles we had to go through.

  5. oh wow... what a journey already before she was born - i can imagine the fear and hoping and waiting... glad it made you both stronger

  6. What a story. and struggle.. the hardships and the narrow lines that divide happiness from dread... really a great treasure for you both now when you are through.

  7. Very raw. What a tale told there.

  8. Oh, how wonderful for the happy ending - it sounded like a long, hard struggle for you all!

  9. I so love this story and am so happy you are both well. I'm Grateful for the happy ending!

  10. Been through two deliveries with my wife and was there when our oldest suffered through the fear and pain of the birth of our granddaughter. And I've wondered what exactly goes on in the mind of an expectant mom. You've given me more than a clue. Thank you, my friend.

  11. I am so happy the you and the baby made it ~ As a mother myself, I experienced difficulty with my second and was told to take a bed rest ~ What makes you and mothers I know like you strong - you want to take care of your child & see her or him grow ~ I love your personal share ~

  12. I am so happy that you both made it! Beautiful!

  13. I read this this morning and meant to comment...how sweet to write about your experience ..it's how we all begin and our ancestors began...sharing your story takes courage..thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts so well.

  14. This is beautiful Gwen, a story of resilience from both of you and a determination to win over adversity. I enjoyed this very much.

  15. Beautiful Gwen, just beautiful. What a treasure for you and your daughter.

  16. motherhood...thank you for sharing this..so nice

  17. That penultimate stanza--beautiful--bravo.

  18. love your innermost thoughts at those precious moments of motherhood....a great journey it was...beautifully penned..

  19. I love how you relate the "near past" to bring us into the future with the new generation of your family's story. Well expressed.

  20. Your story illustrated the heroism of mothers. My heart goes out to you for the very difficult pregnancy you had. Thank you for your inspiring piece.


  21. what a great love you have shared. I think parenthood is the next level of love.

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