Within

From the time my EPT read positive
I felt joy and fear
Was I ready to be a mother? 

All went smoothly until...
I was riddled with unexplained bleeding
I feared the worst

Day after day things became difficult
I became sick

My layoff, death of a cherished pet
could I bear losing a child?
No, I could not

A poke to the belly told me you were a girl and alright.
soon I went gestational diabetic
I wasn't surprised as it runs in the family.

Bleeds continued
so heavy I thought you must be leaving me

On strict bed rest now
I could no longer care for you or me

Fear grew as you did, nights long and lonely 
only doctors and nurses with so many interns
I was on display

Only allowed out of bed to wash, use the toilet and see doctors
wheelchair bound, I was imprisoned 

One night I felt you
two large kicks that stole my breath

I felt cold as I never had before
my water had broke, you were coming

I was aware of the contractions but numb to the pain
in 45 minutes you were here

Fear washed over me like a dark sheet
I didn't hear you cry

My husband held my hand
I asked through my haze "Is she OK?"
he smiled and said "She is fine and beautiful."

I wasn't able to hold her I was torn and bleeding heavily

Doctor on my belly,  frantic hands to remove the placenta
I could not die, she needs me

Doctor held up the placenta with its extra lobe
"you'd have twins if you were able."
I smiled, my father is a twin

I was sewn up like a ripped doll. 
bags dripped coagulant and antibiotics into my blood steam
amazement shrouded me as to how anyone could survive this 

I was told I should have a blood transfusion
fear of disease, I said no
I would deal with the dizziness

I realized we were both born that day
she was alive and I was stronger than ever

Been nearly nine years now, much has changed
we have loved, learned and grown together
clearly a miracle, one I will not soon forget
I am blessed by this little one who came from within