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Tuesday, June 3, 2014


From the time my EPT read positive
I felt joy and fear
Was I ready to be a mother? 

All went smoothly until...
I was riddled with unexplained bleeding
I feared the worst

Day after day things became difficult
I became sick

My layoff, death of a cherished pet
could I bear losing a child?
No, I could not

A poke to the belly told me you were a girl and alright.
soon I went gestational diabetic
I wasn't surprised as it runs in the family.

Bleeds continued
so heavy I thought you must be leaving me

On strict bed rest now
I could no longer care for you or me

Fear grew as you did, nights long and lonely 
only doctors and nurses with so many interns
I was on display

Only allowed out of bed to wash, use the toilet and see doctors
wheelchair bound, I was imprisoned 

One night I felt you
two large kicks that stole my breath

I felt cold as I never had before
my water had broke, you were coming

I was aware of the contractions but numb to the pain
in 45 minutes you were here

Fear washed over me like a dark sheet
I didn't hear you cry

My husband held my hand
I asked through my haze "Is she OK?"
he smiled and said "She is fine and beautiful."

I wasn't able to hold her I was torn and bleeding heavily

Doctor on my belly,  frantic hands to remove the placenta
I could not die, she needs me

Doctor held up the placenta with its extra lobe
"you'd have twins if you were able."
I smiled, my father is a twin

I was sewn up like a ripped doll. 
bags dripped coagulant and antibiotics into my blood steam
amazement shrouded me as to how anyone could survive this 

I was told I should have a blood transfusion
fear of disease, I said no
I would deal with the dizziness

I realized we were both born that day
she was alive and I was stronger than ever

Been nearly nine years now, much has changed
we have loved, learned and grown together
clearly a miracle, one I will not soon forget
I am blessed by this little one who came from within

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Ruins to Rubies

Buried under a pile of bills
and thrills

I pay each one
til I see the spark of sun

Take pride in the fight
for food, clothing
for life

Work hard to this day
to see my daughter play

Grow, smile and love
for each day
this battle is won. 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Grass Apartment

Last years peeps
filling sweet air
amidst blue skies
no cares.

You hatched
you grew
you flew

New life 
displayed among branches
safe from lurking eyes
hungry stomachs
sharp teeth

Safety found
high above ground

A new family will come
raising each one
new day, new way

Refresh revise renew
Life in full circle. 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Winter Sheath


Light takes stage
Future unfolds

Ice fingers dangle
Pink with cold
Pricked and worn

Gloves, hats
No match for the temperature.

Spring releasing winters noose
Whispering hope
Into longing ears.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Life Portrait

You don't know what it's like
until your phone rings off the hook
It's not your friends calling.

You don't know what it's like
until you are worried where you'll get your next meal.

You don't know what it's like 
until you wake yourself up wondering if you paid that over due bill.

You don't know what it's like to want to meet your maker with open arms
and wonder if you ever will. 

You don't know what it's like 
until you tell your scared child everything will be alright.

You don't know what it's like
until you question how long it's been since you have seen your parents. 

You don't know what it's like 
until you feel someone else's pain like it's your own.

Open your eyes
there are more opinions that have meaning you may never know.

Live life ~ It is what makes one happy. 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Love Tongue

Heat, light
color bursts forth
blowing the curls
swirling deep in the mind

Pink in hue
delight and teach.
Day to show love
to those that knew

Engage love, let it in
lingering on the tongue 
twisted and furled

Heart spent
forever held 
Bold emotions
spun, made true. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Mid autumn morning
an ordinary day

Busy with chores
daughter, my love, watching television. 

I leave the room
in search of something
I hear a noise, a sputter, a cough, a gasp

What is it? "You OK honey?" I ask. 
Nothing but another sputter, a strangled breath. 

Horror fills me to the core 
What ifs on my mind
no time for that now

I meet her, gasping, holding her throat
a nightmare come true for any parent

A candy is lodged deep, choking
unknowing of its capabilities

I grab her, a few squeezes fail
Nothing more than panic and gasps between us

Running out of time
maternal instincts kick in

Memories of CPR from long ago greet me
Take hold, fingers frantic but strong and searching

Feel the ball of confection choking the life
my love is waiting for action

A pull and it's over
a deep inhale is music to my ears
my heart and soul sing out

A life saved, lesson learned
Love lives on another day
Strong hands and quick mind prevail

Safe is what we are